My Journey into the Abyss

This journey commenced many months or maybe, years ago. It was like a termite attack on old furniture. It was a stealthy attack on my very existence. But I did not know the way out.

 My upbringing happened in difficult circumstances amidst chaos and cacophony. It was not an ideal situation. From a bubbly young chap, I became an introverted adolescent. I moved to adulthood with a deep pain within but effectively masqueraded with a smile on my lips. There was a lack of belongingness, which hurt very much.

 Work was my only escape route from this trauma. Looking around me, I always felt different from the rest. I did not have any network of my own, practically no social circle at all. Things started to go downhill over the last couple of months, and I began to hate bright lights and loud conversations. Even darkness was suffocating and scary. I had not been sleeping properly for months. My only way of sleeping was self medications. I started to make serious errors at work, which was unlike me. I had recently got my own space at work. But, the loneliness of a private office haunted me too.

 I had intense mood swings because of the situations on my personal front. I had reached a tipping point, an area of no return. But due to a sudden turn of events, that cross-over did not happen on that fateful night. 

Now I wanted to fight back and moved into therapy. I began my journey towards the light. Though it is still a long way off, I am trying not to fall back again. The doctors and counsellors I interact with are helping me on my journey towards the light. I still waver, but try again. I have re-connected with my photography and see an inner meaning there too. I find hope there.

 I still have an un-chartered road ahead of me. But I am trying to hold steady and make the climb up. It has been and still is an intense struggle. But still, I am taking one step at a time.

 Taking a step back, I now realize my mistakes of the past which have landed me where I am today. At the very beginning, I believe parents should not be parents alone they should be your friends too. One should have their social networks too. These networks can be good support at times of need. I never had one for whatever the reasons might be. One other thing is to have and cultivate hobbies. I  never had one. Thrust with ideas that never interested me, they just withered away. When I entered my life’s second innings, photography came my way. I just latched onto it. Then blogging happened as a source of expression. It was a whiff of fresh air. 

Over the past few months, I had lost interest even in blogging and photography. With inspiration from my doctors, I am starting to write again.

Because like the pictures below, probably this is my only HOPE